Learning to Be Content with Not Fitting In

I have not fit in for most of my life.

I’m sure many of you have felt that way at one time or another. For me, it has been a recurring theme. Growing up, I was both an athlete and a student, but I wasn’t a star in either category. I didn’t fit in with the jocks or the nerds. I wasn’t a partier, nor was I someone who stayed home all the time, so I didn’t belong to either of those groups. Early on, I realized I didn’t fit neatly into most categories.

Even when I committed my life to following Jesus, I didn’t quite fit into the Christian organization I was part of. They were all good people, but I wasn’t drawn to studying the same things they were.

While studying engineering at the University of Michigan, I once again realized I didn’t fit in with most of the other engineering students. So it wasn’t surprising that after joining General Motors, I discovered I didn’t quite fit the mold of an engineer. Eventually, I left GM and moved away from my culture of origin to pursue a seminary degree. But after just one semester, I realized I was different from most of the other students there as well. The same was true when I became a pastor—I didn’t fit in with most pastors.

I seldom fit in. Even my mom once told me I was kind of the black sheep of our family.

So when Mary Kay and I moved to Greenville, SC, I wasn’t surprised to find that we didn’t fit in there either. We are the same people here as we were in Orlando, but the culture is so different.

In Orlando, we shared our faith in very concrete terms, using language that wasn’t “churchy.” The church culture here seems to focus more on managing sin or church behavior. I have to be careful how I express my faith because I’ve been outside the “church box” for 50 years. I am soundly biblical but not church institutionally oriented. Even that statement may sound odd to some. Many people here are good churchgoers but don’t realize how their beliefs are shaped by a church institutional framework rather than a biblical model of the church. That’s not necessarily wrong or bad—it’s just not the only way for followers of Christ to gather and scatter throughout the world.

Recently, I asked AI to describe what an “ecclesia” would look like in my current culture based on the New Testament. The response was startlingly different from what most people think of as a “church.” Try it for yourself.

Hebrews 10:23-25 says:

"Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."

I think it’s easier to start a church institution—with organizational principles, buildings, and budgets—than it is to start a movement of disciples of Christ that truly seeks life transformation. In many ways, my whole life has prepared me for this realization. So why am I not surprised?

I have always been an early adopter, an apostolic leader, an inventor, a catalyst, and in some ways, a prophet.

That’s why, forty years ago, my mentor (Singletary) told me:

"A leader is one step ahead of others, while a martyr is seven steps ahead. You are often a better martyr than a leader."

That’s probably why I seldom fit in.

If this resonates with you, you might enjoy reading So You Don’t Want to Go to Church Anymore by Wayne Jacobsen and Dave Coleman